I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
