That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
