I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
