Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
honey bunches of taint.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
