1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to make a zoo with you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
