I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
