Ambien. No doubt about it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help