I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn