I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.