His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after