some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying