We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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