I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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