I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
