By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
