Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
