It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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