I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
