When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
