btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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