so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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