I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
