i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
