oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
