yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
