is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
