do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
