An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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