I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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