So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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