The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
