so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
