after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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