i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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