everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
