I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
