well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
