You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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