too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
