omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
