when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
