can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
