nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize