Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
