I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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