We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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