I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
