The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
