The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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