Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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