I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
