i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
