Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize