wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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