So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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