I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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