i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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