im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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