I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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