Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
