note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
