i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
