I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
