Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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