u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
