420 ftw
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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